Accepting Apologies
PROGRAM: “IN A WORD”
EPISODE: ACCEPTING APOLOGIES
[5 TO 10 SEC OF MUSIC]
[FADE MUSIC]
I’m Candace Schaefer with “In a Word,” your weekly communication tip.
If you’ve ever been wronged—and who hasn’t been?—you can appreciate how satisfying it is to receive a heartfelt apology. On the other hand, getting an insincere or forced apology can be awkward and uncomfortable. Sometimes, though, especially in a professional setting, it’s important to respond to an apology gracefully, no matter how convincing (or unconvincing) it may be. So today I’ll discuss how to accept an apology, which can be a key step in repairing a damaged relationship.
First, let’s consider how to accept a sincere apology. Often it’s enough to say “Thank you. I accept your apology.” If you’re receiving the apology in person, you might smile or shake the person’s hand.
If the offense was major, you might add something along the lines of “Let’s move forward from here with a clean slate.” You also should acknowledge any attempt to make amends, by saying something like “I appreciate that you’re trying to make it right.”
Now, how do you accept a really lame apology? You know the type. A poor apologizer is defensive, makes excuses, and fails to accept responsibility. A poor apologizer may not acknowledge how you were wronged or may fail to offer any compensation or even change the behavior that caused the problem.
There aren’t a lot of satisfying ways to deal with this type of apology. Still, particularly in a professional situation, it’s best to avoid argument or sarcasm. Even though the apology may not be sincere, you’ll gain more by being gracious in accepting it.
Your response depends somewhat on the power relationship between you and the other person. If the apologizer holds power over you, just a simple, “Thank you. I accept your apology” should do it. Avoid, if you can, any further discussion, which may undo the positive feelings you’re trying to reestablish. If have some power over the apologizer, you can take the same tactic—thanks and accept—with one addition. Ask if the offender has made changes to help avoid the need for a future apology. Don’t nitpick or argue about the proposed solution. Just repeat back what you heard, so you know you understood it correctly, and then express a desire for it to work.
So, you might say, “I understand that you’re planning to wake up an hour earlier so you won’t miss our 8 a.m. meeting. I trust that will correct the problem.” If you handle an apology like that, you’ll know you, at least, have nothing to be sorry about.
This has been "In a Word," a program made possible by the Texas A&M University Writing Center and a production of KAMU FM on the campus of Texas A&M University in College Station. For more writing and speaking tips, visit our website at writingcenter.tamu.edu. I’m Candace Schaefer, helping you make every word count.
[5 TO 10 SEC OF MUSIC]
EPISODE: ACCEPTING APOLOGIES
[5 TO 10 SEC OF MUSIC]
[FADE MUSIC]
I’m Candace Schaefer with “In a Word,” your weekly communication tip.
If you’ve ever been wronged—and who hasn’t been?—you can appreciate how satisfying it is to receive a heartfelt apology. On the other hand, getting an insincere or forced apology can be awkward and uncomfortable. Sometimes, though, especially in a professional setting, it’s important to respond to an apology gracefully, no matter how convincing (or unconvincing) it may be. So today I’ll discuss how to accept an apology, which can be a key step in repairing a damaged relationship.
First, let’s consider how to accept a sincere apology. Often it’s enough to say “Thank you. I accept your apology.” If you’re receiving the apology in person, you might smile or shake the person’s hand.
If the offense was major, you might add something along the lines of “Let’s move forward from here with a clean slate.” You also should acknowledge any attempt to make amends, by saying something like “I appreciate that you’re trying to make it right.”
Now, how do you accept a really lame apology? You know the type. A poor apologizer is defensive, makes excuses, and fails to accept responsibility. A poor apologizer may not acknowledge how you were wronged or may fail to offer any compensation or even change the behavior that caused the problem.
There aren’t a lot of satisfying ways to deal with this type of apology. Still, particularly in a professional situation, it’s best to avoid argument or sarcasm. Even though the apology may not be sincere, you’ll gain more by being gracious in accepting it.
Your response depends somewhat on the power relationship between you and the other person. If the apologizer holds power over you, just a simple, “Thank you. I accept your apology” should do it. Avoid, if you can, any further discussion, which may undo the positive feelings you’re trying to reestablish. If have some power over the apologizer, you can take the same tactic—thanks and accept—with one addition. Ask if the offender has made changes to help avoid the need for a future apology. Don’t nitpick or argue about the proposed solution. Just repeat back what you heard, so you know you understood it correctly, and then express a desire for it to work.
So, you might say, “I understand that you’re planning to wake up an hour earlier so you won’t miss our 8 a.m. meeting. I trust that will correct the problem.” If you handle an apology like that, you’ll know you, at least, have nothing to be sorry about.
This has been "In a Word," a program made possible by the Texas A&M University Writing Center and a production of KAMU FM on the campus of Texas A&M University in College Station. For more writing and speaking tips, visit our website at writingcenter.tamu.edu. I’m Candace Schaefer, helping you make every word count.
[5 TO 10 SEC OF MUSIC]