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{PEER RESPONSE DEMONSTRATION}

Alphabetical list of Handouts & Guides

Words of Wisdom

Good feedback is kind, thorough and timely. It’s professional and focused. It leaves the writer feeling challenged to do better but great about their strengths. Even if that just means the location they chose was cool. Give your feedback relative to the skill set of the writer. Never lie or obfuscate. Just serve it up gently. An upset writer isn’t going to hear your points anyway. But an encouraged one will. Trust me on this.

— Julie Gray



Narrator: Today we’re going to watch Megan and Lauren peer edit their friend Beka’s paper about a little boy’s Christmas. Let’s get inside their heads to see what they’re thinking as they read her paper. 
 
First we’ll go to Megan.

Megan:
It was Christmas day. Danny knew that from the moment he first opened his eyes. Eager seeing what Santa brought him, little Danny tried to jump out of bed and fell to the ground and rushed downstairs in anticipation of all the toys he knew Santa would have left for him. Danny had asked for a scooter, a Wii, Guitar Hero, and a Spider Man motorcycle. He just knew that all that and more would be waiting for him downstairs. He had been very good this year and even sent cookies in his letter to Santa.
Down the stairs, he stopped abruptly, and there was only one gift under the tree. Where were all the other gifts Santa was supposed to bring? Danny looked at his parents who despite their smiles had a worried--if not disappointed--look in their eyes.
Open your present, Danny, his mother suggested. Danny hesitated. Um…okay, Mommy…”

Narrator: Megan’s not doing a very good job at responding to her peer’s paper. She only focused on grammatical errors and not on organization, overall effect of the paper, etc. She thinks it’s a little dry and unclear, but she’s reserving criticism for fear of hurting her friend’s feelings.
 
So let’s see how Lauren does.
 
Lauren:
It was a magical (Lauren suggests using adjectives and other descriptions to make the story come alive. Megan does not notice. She thinks the story is fine how it is.) Christmas day. Danny knew that from the moment he first opened his eyes. Eager seeing (Should be “to see”) what Santa brought him, little Danny tried to jump out of bed and fell to the ground. but instead crumpled on the floor when his feet got caught in his flannel footie pajamas and he quickly untangled himself (Like “magical” this could be something that Lauren notices, but Megan says nothing about. She could think that this is a boring story but not say anything about it or make any marks and rushed downstairs in anticipation of all the toys he knew Santa would have left for him on this memorable occasion (Something Lauren would notice…once again adding detail and description to the story). Danny had asked for a scooter, a Wii, Guitar Hero, and a Spider Man motorcycle. He just knew that all that and more would be waiting for him downstairs. He had been very good this year and even sent cookies in his letter to Santa (Lauren says that this is abrupt and could be better in the following paragraph).
Down the stairs, he stopped abruptly, and (Lauren thinks it should be because) there was only one gift under the tree. Where were all the other gifts Santa was supposed to bring? Danny looked at his parents who despite their smiles had a worried--if not disappointed--look in their eyes.
Open your present, Danny, his mother suggested. Danny hesitated. Um…okay, Mommy? (Lauren knows there needs to be quotation marks and that they should be on separate lines; Megan only knows there should be quotation marks)


Narrator: All right see how Lauren tends to surface level things but also bigger issues like descriptions and organization.
She spent more time thinking of ways to help.
An now it’s time to listen to Megan and Lauren give their friend Rebecca some feedback.
 
 
Rebecca: Hey did you look at my paper?
 
Megan: Yea there’s just a couple of things, not much at all. This one right here. This sentence is kinda long, but you know what you mean, so that’s ok. And I didn’t know what you meant here so maybe just go back and look at that. Oh and down here you need quotation marks, but it was good other than that. 
 
Rebecca: really?
 
Megan: Yea

Now Lauren gives feedback
 
Lauren: It would come to life if you give me some time and maybe some descriptive words.
A couple times you used the word “and” so I changed this one to “then”.
Also why did he fall to the ground? tell me.
So that’s what I found, what do you think?
 
Rebecca: Oh thank you’ve been very helpful.
 
Narrator: As we saw Lauren gave a much more helpful peer response than Megan, in what she wrote and in her explanation to Rebecca. Her explanations were very thorough and she gave reasons to back them up. The next time you work with your classmates remember to focus on the big picture.
 

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